Just Relax? ~ Women and Stress Reduction

By: Jane Fox, MSW, LCSW

There is no doubt that our lives are becoming increasingly stressful. Feeling off-balance and pulled in several directions simultaneously is something most of us, from pre-teens to elders, experience daily. We long for simpler times, even those of less than a generation ago, while many of us still want to maintain the greater opportunities for stimulation and communication of today's world.

The irony is that it is often precisely those technological advances - such as email and cell phones - which were developed to make our lives easier that are in part responsible for our dangerous levels of stress. Our devices take time and skill to learn, to up-date, to fix and to use, and they keep us always available to those who want to reach us.

At the same time, changes in home life are deeply affecting women. These include:

• Most women in America are either living alone or raising children without a husband; this can be very demanding and is contrary to the image we may have of how our lives should be;
• Whether or not there are two parents, the family dinner has become a rare special occasion, emblematic of the difficulty of finding relaxed time with those we love;
• Concerns for the well-being of our youth are justifiably great: as young children use drugs and alcohol and engage in sex; as studies show rising levels of childhood obesity, depression, and loneliness; and as the average child spends more time watching television and online than in social, academic, and physical activities.

Women are working hard to understand and reverse these alterations in family life, as well as to keep up with rapidly changing, and generally less employee-friendly work environments. At the same time, we generally still take the lion's share of responsibility for the emotional wellbeing of friends and family. No wonder so many of us feel like a person whirling around in a blender on full speed! Today, taking care of ourselves often seems like one more item on our to-do list.

One of the most striking truths about stress seems paradoxical because the first truth tends to make us numb to understanding the stark urgency of the second:

• That stress is virtually universal in America today, and
• That stress is extremely dangerous to our emotional, physical, and spiritual well being.

Stress can create or worsen illnesses, from colds and flu to headaches, gastrointestinal conditions, autoimmune diseases, and life-threatening illness. It can also make us experience life as automations rather than from our full humanity.

At the Temenos Center, instead of being victimized by this pressure, we are learning and teaching ways to feel centered and relaxed, ways that surprisingly create more time in our lives instead of taking time from us.

While you can't force yourself to "just relax", here are five well-researched ways you can foster real relaxation in your life:

• Learn techniques that you can use anywhere to calm mind and body.
• Have regular contact with positive and caring people, especially if you already have difficult people in your life.
• Get regular physical exercise.
• Create and hold true to your own path in life; integrity is stress reducing.
• Get help in healing negative self-images and self-talk from childhood and life trauma.

Increasing the extent to which you do any one of the above will change your life for the better. When we do several or all of them, we at Temenos have noticed the following changes:

• Improved memory, concentration, and decision-making ability;
• A greatly enhanced sense of well-being and purpose;
• Improving health
• More restful sleep
• More satisfying relationships
• Increased self-esteem, because we feel greater mastery and joy in our lives.

At Temenos we will work with you either in a stress reduction class or individual sessions to help you learn personalized relaxation skills, and you can use them the rest of your life. If you (or someone you know) is stressed, use the discomfort you are now feeling to propel you to a life which may be more fulfilling than you can currently imagine.

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